Scooter Gang Terrorizes Community

by Joe King

The sunny weather that Maple Ridge was blessed with yesterday was marred by the formation of a new scooter gang. Two men, wearing red jackets, were spotted riding up and down the streets of this fair community during the afternoon on Sunday. 

According to witnesses, the first scooterist rode his Vespa LX50 across Maple Ridge to visit the second gang member, a local engineer. The second scooterist then rolled out his terrible machine, a 50cc Yamaha BWS. The two then fired up their loud engines and roared through the quiet neighbourhood, disturbing the solitude of a Sunday afternoon.

Their first stop was a local gas station where they made unkind jokes about how little it cost them to fill up, ignoring the unfortunate plight of good citizens gassing up their trucks and SUVs. After spending a paltry $4, they roared off again, this time headed for a local mall.

At the mall, while they took care of errands, they had the audacity to park in the same parking space. "Don't they know that if everyone doubled up when parking, there'd be far too many empty spots," complained Edna Busybody, a local resident.

They then took their foul machines on the backroads, forcing cars behind them to drive at 55 kmh, rather then allowing people to speed as is their right. 

Back at the 'clubhouse' or home of one of the scooterists, they were seen laughing and eating cookies, undoubtedly commenting on the lack of fun they saw others having on the road. It is also rumoured that they are both members of yet another gang, the Volunteer Bike Patrol.

Only vigilance and careful observation will prevent this sort of raucous behaviour from becoming the norm. Can you imagine if everyone in our lovely town were riding scooters? One shudders to think....